Jessica Camacho

She looked down at her ringing phone and her heart dropped.
It was him.
Not just any him, but the him that had broken her heart not so very long ago.
A thousand thoughts and memories flashed through her mind as she thought back to their whirlwind romance.
It was a fairy tale at first, his words and affection swept her off her feet like she’d never known..
In a word, it was magical..
Until somehow, it wasn’t anymore.
The happiness and good times slowly changed into something..darker.
The butterflies that once surrounded their love left and she found herself fighting for a love that made her feel bad.
Maybe he put on a facade at first, maybe she ignored the warning signs..maybe she just wanted to believe in love.
Whatever the reason was, she realized after a while that he wasn’t the person she thought him to be..and it made her so sad.
His hateful words and hostility made the beauty of a once delightful love story dissipate until she no longer knew why she was trying any more.
That moment was when everything changed.
She couldn’t allow him to continue to disrespect and mistreat her any more.
No one had that right and she took her power back.
It was an ugly meltdown of something that used to be wonderful...until she dug deep and scrapped her way out of a broken dream, managing to get away from him with her dignity intact.
The mere thought of that time and those bitter memories made her shudder.
So, as his name displayed on her phone and continued to ring, she just shook her head and sighed.
She wasn’t going back to that place where she was once again fighting to breathe..
Nothing is worth having to battle for your survival- but she made it to the other side..
Somehow.
Now, she was happier, healthier and every day was a new blessing..
Gone was the dread under which she had once existed.
She was free...finally.
She pressed ‘decline’ on his call and exhaled loudly.
She had decided long ago to leave the past where it belonged - behind her.
While he had taught her a lot about herself-not because she chose to learn those lessons-she had nothing left for him.
Not anymore. Not ever.
She was done with that life, but not the lessons.
So, she slipped her phone back into her pocket and leaned back.
Sometimes, the most wonderful feeling of all is simply to be free.
|ravenwolf

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I’ve never chosen the woman I was, my path chose me instead.
Whatever I needed, whatever life called for- that’s who I became.
Whatever role I needed to be, that was who I evolved into..
Mother, sister, partner, friend, mentor, survivor, provider, protector..
I’ve been each of those and more.
It wasn’t about what I ever wanted, but what I needed to do and be.
I always did what I had to do to keep moving forward in my life.
Truth is, I didn’t know how I’d make it sometimes, but I always found a way.
I’ve been the one who everyone looked to for strength, courage and passion, and somehow, I was always able to become what I needed to be.
I won’t say it’s been easy or painless, because the struggle I fought was almost overwhelming at times..
But I made things happen, because that’s who I am.
I’ll never be fearless, flawless or faultless, but I’ll always be real, genuine and authentic.
I love with all my heart and I don’t do anything halfway.
My soul is filled with passion and I love hard when there’s love to be had.
I fill many roles and I have a never ending list of responsibilities, but I’ve learned I’m capable of conquering anything.
The fires that once threatened to burn me alive now fuel my drive to rise above and fly high.
Maybe my plans don’t always work out perfectly and there may have been a time or two when it came off the rails, but I managed to find my way almost every time.
I’ve provided for and protected those who needed me.
I’ve loved my people who wanted me.
I’ve fought for the ones who couldn’t do it themselves.
I’m a woman of many talents, qualities and depths..born of the darkest times which forged my ironclad spirit.
But no matter who I’ve been and what I’ve done, there’s always one part of me that I’ve needed most:
The survivor.
She’s the one that kept me going, gave me strength and lifted me up when I fell.
Come what may, she’ll always be the part I value most,
For as long as I will ever need her,
She’ll always be there.
|ravenwolf

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My crown's all crooked
My backbone's bent
My heart is tired
And my strength is spent
My soul is empty
My dreams are shot
My thoughts are racing
With things I'm not
I've been the pillar
For so damned long
My foundation's cracking
And my strength is gone
The stars are fading
The dark's pitch black
But I've been here before
And I'll make it back
I'm not quite sure how, yet
That's simply the truth
Still, I've very well versed
In walking right through
This darkness I'm lost in
I've been here before
And this time, when I walk out,
I'mma bolt the damned door
So it can't consume me
Ever again
I'll find the sunshine
And I'll win in the end.
~Mandy Kocsis(c)2024~

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