Mentally Chill—ish: Beyond the Stigma

One thing I just realized is that even with game shows, the top answer to any questions is “the mother”.

Whether it’s “person most likely to keep you on the phone” or “person most likely to annoy you”.

Most of these questions put the mother in a bad light, albeit in a joking manner.

And it’s true for some of these questions for my own mother, although she refuses to speak to me. Doesn’t even acknowledge my existence any longer. I’ve heard of the kids shutting off from their parents but when did the parents begin to alienate from their child? When did the parent decide “oh I don’t wish to be a mom to this child anymore” while being present (ha) for her other child?

I could never fathom alienating my children. It was never their choice to be born. It was never their purpose in life to support me and to carry me. It was never their burden.

I hope when I grow old and can’t remember, my children remind me daily on the good memories I’ve made with them and I hope that I’ve given them enough to get me through the days where I no longer remember even day to day memories.

Because of my mother’s choice she has literally nobody here in Hagerstown to be there for her. And the overwhelming feeling I get is… sadness. Maybe I do need therapy because I just can’t wrap my head around why she would intentionally just abandon me.

Isn’t it a mother’s duty to protect her children? If she was protecting me from someone 41 years ago, I’d think she would just say that. Not just ignore me for months at a time.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is mothers do not ever give up on their children, at least I never will.

I chose the song to go with my post not to tribute my mother but to tribute how I feel about my children.

Started a new job so I’ve been pretty busy between that & school! I’m loving my progress so far!

Hahaha this is me. I’m a princess with some flaws I guess 🤭

Had an interview yesterday! I got hired on the spot 🩶

Hey everyone!

A lot has happened since I’ve created this page!

Let me start off by saying I appreciate all of you for following me. I know I haven’t kept up but sometimes life does happen to life and I just got insanely busy!

I created this page to talk about the stigmas surrounding mental health. I suffer from it. I know my sister suffers from it. I know many of us suffer one way or another.

Many of you know the time I’ve had with my father. I was hurt, angry that he didn’t want to be a part of my life. I didn’t understand what I had done wrong to have such alienation. So when he didn’t say happy birthday to me on my 40th, it’s like something in me snapped. I sent him a very angry text and demanded a DNA test.

Rewind 15 years. It’s my 25th birthday. My father is on the phone and he says to me “happy birthday but if I pay for a DNA test will you take it” I laughed in a crazy way because WHAT. I did not follow through with said DNA test.

I went to EasyDna website. Paid almost $200 for a DNA test on my birthday. Sent his to NC while mine came to Maryland. Things happened and forms weren’t signed so it took a little while longer, but finally on October 27… my entire world changed.

He is not my biological father.

When he asked me to take a DNA test when I was 25, that was his way of trying to tell me I wasn’t his.

According to him, my mother had taken my older brother and left town. When she returned, she was already heavily pregnant with me. So he did what any stand up guy would do, he remarried my mother and gave me his last name.

Let’s just add that when I was 14, my mother and my stepfather talked (more like coerced) me into changing my last name to HIS name. Like an informal adoption. I don’t know if this was my mom’s way of releasing my “dad” but it ruined him even trying.

Like and share for Pt 2. This next part will be a doozie 🤯

Hey everyone! Welcome to my new page! Here you will see tidbits of my mental health journey, as well as funny memes. Please note: some of these stories may be intrusive so follow at your own risk.