Alleviate Massage Therapy & Wellness

Why Does Disrespect Hurt So Much?

One of the most thought-provoking ideas I recently learned from the work of Bradley Fletcher and Team Fletcher is that people who have experienced complex trauma often become highly sensitive to disrespect and criticism.

At first glance, this can seem confusing. Why would a simple disagreement, correction, boundary, or comment trigger such a strong emotional reaction?

The answer may have less to do with the present moment and more to do with what happened in the past.

For many people, complex trauma develops in environments where they repeatedly felt dismissed, ignored, criticized, compared to others, mocked, blamed, rejected, or made to feel unimportant. Over time, these experiences send a powerful message: You don't matter. Your feelings don't matter. Your needs don't matter.

Eventually, that message becomes internalized.

As adults, they may begin to expect disrespect even when it is not there.

A respectful boundary may feel like rejection.

Someone saying "no" may feel like being devalued.

Constructive feedback, or disagreement feel like a criticism.

A different opinion or perspective may feel like a "personal attack".

The emotional reaction often seems larger than the situation because the current event is touching much older wounds.

Over time, this can create a dangerous pattern. If every disagreement feels like criticism, every boundary feels like rejection, and every piece of feedback feels like an attack, a person may become increasingly defensive and unable to tolerate being challenged.

To protect themselves from the pain of shame, they may start believing that anyone who disagrees with them is against them. They may expect complete loyalty, become resistant to feedback, struggle to admit mistakes, or view differing opinions as personal attacks.

In some cases, these protective strategies can evolve into narcissistic traits or distorted ways of thinking. The person's focus shifts from understanding reality to protecting themselves from feeling flawed, rejected, or inadequate. Unfortunately, while these defenses may reduce emotional pain in the short term, they often create conflict, damaged relationships, and greater isolation over time.

What makes this especially difficult is that people can begin reading disrespect into situations where none was intended. A person may be trying to communicate honestly, set a healthy boundary, or offer helpful feedback, but it is experienced as an attack.

The result can be intense defensiveness, anger, withdrawal, or conflict in relationships.

Another point that stood out to me was Fletcher's description of parents being a child's "rock."

I think this idea is often misunderstood.

Being a rock is not simply being physically present. It is not just providing food, shelter, clothing, or financial support.

A parent can call every day, spend time with their child regularly, and still not provide emotional safety.

A true emotional rock is someone who listens, validates, guides, protects, teaches emotional skills (Self-awareness, self-compassion, social awareness, emotional regulation, emotionalmaturity, empathy, communication and relationship skills etc;), and creates a relationship where a child feels safe being themselves.

A rock helps a child make sense of their emotions rather than dismissing them.

A rock offers support during failure rather than shame.

A rock creates an environment where a child can be honest without constantly fearing criticism, ridicule, guilt, shame, abandonment or rejection.

One question worth considering is:

Did you feel safe telling your parent the truth about your feelings, mistakes, fears, and struggles without expecting judgment, criticism, guilt or shame?

If the answer is no, then physical presence may have existed, but emotional safety may have been missing.

When children grow up without that secure emotional foundation, they often enter adulthood expecting criticism, anticipating rejection, and becoming highly alert to signs of disrespect.

Understanding this doesn't excuse harmful reactions, but it can help explain why certain words, situations, or interactions can feel so painful.

Sometimes what looks like an overreaction is actually an old wound being touched.

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Watching Antoni Dvorski grow over the years has been such a privilege.

I first met Toni when he was 11 years old, and as his RMT, I’ve had the opportunity to witness not only his athletic growth, but the strength of his character and mindset.

What has always stood out to me is how grounded and certain he is in himself.

At such a young age, Toni knew what he wanted. He carried a level of determination, focus, and self-worth that is honestly rare to see, even in adults. The early mornings, waking up at 4 or 5 AM, attending school, training, recovery, competition, and pressure. None of it happened by accident. It came from discipline, sacrifice, and a deep belief in where he wanted to go.

This industry and level of competition can be incredibly tough and cutthroat. There are always outside voices, opinions, pressures, and people trying to influence the direction of your journey. What impressed me most over the years was watching how steady and unwavering Toni remained in doing what was best for himself and his future.

That kind of self-awareness is a gift.

He trusted his instincts. He stayed focused on his goals. He continued showing up for himself over and over again, even when the path was difficult.

I’ve learned so much from witnessing that.

Today, we are celebrating an incredible milestone in Toni’s journey: being accepted to play with the Vancouver Whitecaps FC youth system, one of Canada’s top professional soccer organizations. The club competes in Major League Soccer, the highest level of professional soccer in North America, and this opportunity reflects years of dedication, sacrifice, and hard work.

Seeing this next chapter unfold and hearing this incredible news brought tears to my eyes because I know how much work, patience, and perseverance went into this moment.

Toni, I'm so happy for you.

Thank you for allowing me the privilege of being part of your journey over these years. Supporting people through important chapters of their lives is one of the greatest gifts of this work, and moments like this remind me exactly why I love what I do.

We're all cheering you on for what comes next. This is only the beginning.

Exciting update for PARS for SCARS Golf Tournament ⛳

The event has been rescheduled to September 10, 2026, and honestly… this might be even better. July is always so busy, so I’m really hoping this new date opens things up for more of us to join!

For anyone who showed interest from my last SAVE THE DATE post, I’d LOVE to get a group together. We had a foursome last year and had such a fun day. Everything was so well organized by White Knight Construction, tons of games, prizes, and just an overall great vibe. Plus, good food and even better company.

And the best part… the dogs SCARS (Second Chance Animal Rescue Society) brings adoptable puppies and senior dogs, so you actually get to spend time with them throughout the day. It’s such a special experience, whether you just want some puppy love or you’re thinking about adopting. There were dogs everywhere last year and it made the whole event even more heartwarming.

This is White Knight Construction’s annual tournament, and they open it up for others to join in. Their team is full of personality and makes the whole day feel fun and relaxed. Plus, all proceeds go toward supporting rescue animals and their medical care, which makes it even more meaningful.

Details: • 📍 The Links at Spruce Grove

• ⏰ 9AM shotgun start (breakfast at 8AM)
• $200 early bird (until May 15)
• $225 after May 16

If you’re interested, send me a DM!

It would mean a lot to support such a great cause while spending a fun day together. I’m really looking forward to this one!
Let me know if you’re in! 🐶