Healing & Happiness

People often talk about the Child and Family Services system in such a negative way. And while I have my own issues with the system, I can not help but be grateful that when they got the chance to remove us from our home, they took it.

While there were reports about our family and CFS did their investigations, we never said anything and they couldn't actually prove he was hurting us because we wouldn't talk. This was the case for years.

Our situation ended up being a bit different. We weren't apprehended by CFS, because in our case WE called CFS and begged them to come take us. We were hiding out at a neighbors house and we called every hour asking when they were coming and their response was soon.

There was some logistics involved and we waited roughly 6 hours for them to physically come get us.

As they worked tirelessly to find us a temporary placement and exhausted every option they could think of, they feared that we would have to spend another night at home because they couldn't find someone to take us on such short notice. When they told us we may have to hold out for one night, I said "No, I will run."

There was no way I was going back there, especially with him in the house. They didn't understand or know the hell we were living in. They didn't know just how bad it was and if we went back and he found out we said anything, we would have been gone the next morning. On this particular day, we actually feared for our lives.

They knew this was their window to get us and they didn't want to miss it. And thankfully just when we felt hope was lost, the phone rang and they said they have a car on the way and have a temporary placement for us.

The car picked us up just in time, because as we were driving out of the apartment parking lot, he was pulling in, just getting home from work. We were ducking in the backseat hoping he didnt see us.

He was my best friend and alot of times my protector. He stood between my father and us several times. Somehow he was the ONLY person that could get my father to calm down. He adored his grandchildren and would never turn down an opportunity to spend time with them.

My grandfather was an amazing man. He believed in family and marriage and when he married my grandmother, he was committed to her in sickness and health. But she was committed only to herself.

She was a vile woman who treated everyone around her like dirt. She drank and gambled away his money, beat him and his children horribly and ultimately lives were lost and changed forever because of her. She lost everything they had due to her addictions and lack of desire to get help.

But Him, he was a good man. An honorable man. When he was finally able to break free from her, his heart ached for his children and I know his heart hurt knowing what kind of life we may have with what our father experienced at her hands. I really feel he did everything he could to protect us while he was still here... but even he didn't know just how evil my father could be to us.

To escape here and be with his younger kids, my aunt moved him out to BC to be with her and her other 2 brothers. It was so hard seeing him go, not knowing when I would see him again.

When he left, he gave me the purse in the photo below. This item is the ONLY piece of my childhood that I have and it means everything to me.

Unfortunately that would be the last time i seen him, got to hug him and feel his comfort. My grandfather suffered several heart attacks and strokes throughout his years. Stress was a huge factor and on the very day he was supposed to come home to see us for a visit, he had a massive heart attack. My father flew out to BC to see him and when he returned it was like something died in himself along with my grandfather. He passed away in April of 1995 and it felt like the worst day of my life.

What was our safety net, even from across the country was now gone and there was no one to stop him anymore. Things got worse, quickly.

For a long time, I felt like something in me died with him. I became very emotionally distant and the things we were experiencing at home, just felt like another day. No matter how bad it got, it really felt like it didnt even matter, I didnt matter.

I managed to find a picture of him when he was younger and had AI do a little one of us together. Makes me emotional looking at it, thinking about him and how proud he would be to see where we are all now. ❤️

I spent grades 2,3 and 4 at Crescentview School in Portage La Prairie and honestly... I loved it there. My teachers were kind (mostly) and I made some decent friends, some of which I still get updates on how they are doing from Facebook! There were a couple of us who stuck pretty close together. We weren't popular by any means but we got along and understood one another.

I always had a heart for those who struggled and I became friends with these 2 girls, both bad mobility issues and social issues. One needed modifications to her classroom environment and the other was non verbal and in a wheel chair and couldn't function independently. These girls along with 2 others were some of my closest friends from my childhood.

I didnt share my home situation with any of them and now some are just finding out how bad it was along side the rest of you.

I didnt talk about home, but people were aware I didnt have a mother in my life. We lived 4.5 kms away from the school and we walked there and back most of the time. Because this school wasnt in our district, there was no bus options for us to take. I enjoyed the walk as it meant less time at home.

Plus if you've walked the crescent before you know it can be very beautiful. But in the winter it was sooo cold. I vaguely remember a few times Dad would drop us off and pick us up, but he would complain and yell at us the whole time. Often giving us a smack upside the head as we were getting out of the car.

I remember one time he was really in a mood. We were in one of his cars and he was yelling and screaming and swinging fists from the front of the car to the back. I was within his range but was pushing towards my sister to try to get away. His fist met my cheek and instantly I could feel blood in my mouth. My eyes welled up, my face felt hot and my head was pounding. We squirmed out the side of the car and slammed the door as he was still yelling. I went to the bathroom to clean myself up but the redness on my face was hard to hide. I spent the day hiding myself and acting like I just wasnt feeling great. My cheek was cut up on the inside of my mouth and my head was pounding all day.

I didn't say a word in the car when he picked us up, I went home and went to my room. I said I wasnt feeling well so I didn't have to come down for dinner and I went to bed.

A fond childhood memory I have is strawberry picking. Our father would take us every couple years to a place outside Portage La Prairie, and it was usually a fun time, minus him yelling at us to not eat the berries.... which we all knew... we would.

We would get scolded and we would try to be sneakier about it but the strawberry juice all around our faces and down our shirts gave us away.

I have made it a tradition that me and the kids go every year and this year we got to take Elliot along. He doesnt remember if he ever went before but he was in for the whole experience. From the baskets, to the tractor ride play structure and even waffles with strawberries. To the kids trying the best of the best berries, I smiled as I get to see these experiences unfold right before me in my beautiful kids.

I love experiencing things with my family that were fond memories as a child. They were few and far between but I treasure them alot.