Lisa

Spent some time over GreenAcres and of course it rained whilst we walked round and the sun was shining by the time we left.
I know you were probably laughing at us Luke but I had to leave you some flowers.
I hope you see things differently now you’re gone.
Missing you like crazy Spud x

Happy 27th Birthday Charlie

Can’t believe how many years have passed and it still feels like yesterday that I last held you in my arms. Our time together was brief but I cherish all the memories.

I hope you’re enjoying your first birthday with Luke and your looking after each other

Still feels so unreal that your both in heaven, I miss you both with all of my heart 💙🩵 x

In May Luke had organised a trip to Paris with Lil’s to watch WWE Clash in Paris on 31st August. He had organised the tickets, hotel and itinerary.
I promised Lil’s that she would go and follow their plans.
There were mixed emotions from both of us. Lil’s was meant to be there with Luke, sharing and enjoying the atmosphere. It was the reminder for her that Luke is had gone and all she will miss doing with him.
For me I felt guilty because Luke should have been there instead of me. I should have had the messages, photos and heard all about it when they got back.
Lil’s love of wrestling started with Logan Paul and Luke was looking forward to seeing John Cena for the farewell tour. It was definitely meant to be having the John Cena and Logan Paul match. It was the perfect match for the pair of them.
We know Luke was there with us. Our room number was 316 and Luke’s date of birth was 16/09/2003. Lil’s saw Luke on a bicycles where the majority had French names, there was country music as we went into the arena. We laughed about how much Luke would have spent in the WWE shop and all the things Luke he would have found funny. Lil’s took his John Cena towel and held it up with such pride. We both wore Luke’s t-shirts so we had part of him with us.
Luke you would have loved every second of it but we did it x

A chilled day walking around London with Lil’s today.
We decided to do the heritage trail and find the sculptures. Yes, there were a few wrong turns and we did not find the Guard at the Guard Museum but it did not spoil the day.
Lil’s was happy listening to a live band at Victoria Embankment Gardens and performers at Piccadilly before our usual visit to Waterstones x

Spent an amazing chilled day in Brighton with Lil’s on Friday.
It is definitely one of her favourite places to go

I am so proud of this girl.
Many of you will know that Lil’s has struggled with her mental health since she was 9/10.
When she got to Secondary School her thoughts got really dark she started acting on her suicidal thoughts, self harming and she did not believe that she would live to see 13.
She will be 16 in a few months.
She has had CAHMS, involved, been on courses, had different counsellors. We have had visits to A&E, seen Mental Health Teams. She tried so hard to stay safe at school and to be heard but eventually we decided school was not the right environment for her so I made the decision to Home Educate Lil’s. This was not an easy decision and has been a bumpy road but it has made such a difference. This girl has not given up. She still struggles and has the ongoing battle with herself, taking it day by day.
Today we celebrated 365 days, a whole year of no self harm. This is an amazing achievement for her. There was a time she could not go a day without hurting herself. Slowly the day turned into days, then weeks, then months.
We would celebrate each milestone however Lil’s wanted to, allowing for the bumps along the way and I have always reminded Lil’s of how proud I am and how far she has come.
Roll on Friday so we can go to Brighton to celebrate this latest and biggest win.
So proud of you Lil’s, you’re amazing. Love you loads baby girl x

25 years ago today this little boy made me a mum for the first time. He touched my heart so deeply in the 7 1/2 weeks we got to share together.

I often wonder what you would be like and what life you would have led.
Would you be happy? How would you be with your siblings? What job you would have? Would you be in a relationship - you could be married, you could have had children by now.

My heart breaks all over again wondering and never knowing the answers. Losing a child cuts so deeply and your life and heart are never the same again

Happy 25th Heavenly Birthday Charlie, you’re always in my heart and thoughts. My little man,
love and miss you more than words
Mummy x

Of course we could not be in London in the evening without seeing some of the Christmas lights.
We went along Regents Street, Oxford Street and Carnaby Street as well as a few side streets.

What a great day yesterday in London. We started by visiting the Christmas Book Tree at St Pancras International. After walking around London we met at on her first UK book tour. It was amazing listening to her speak about the young adult books that she writes that tackle difficult subjects that many people relate too. The importance of mental health and her new release for next year. She was down to earth and so humble. We also got our books signed and got the special edition copy of Girl In Pieces

Happy 15th Birthday to my beautiful daughter Lils. The last few years have been challenging for you but you have fought hard to get to where you are now.

Can you believe it, you have made it to 15!!!

I wish you could see yourself as I see you. Your beautiful inside and out. You have a massive heart and see the world in your own way. Your caring and can be very understanding. Your funny (especially to yourself), very sarcastic and definitely talkative but I love you just the way you are.

Hope you have the most amazing day, you deserve it.
Love you loads
Mum x