Jane jiva

LET’S TALK ABOUT S*X!

Yes, you read that right, and I promise to be as real as possible on this matter 🙈
Yeah, this morning, I want to talk about s*x and my personal experience about it.

From my red dress👗 this morning, you can tell that something is about to go down, eiiiiiii💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻

So, from my red dress and my focused face, what does that tell you? It’s a real deal famz, let’s go💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻

3 years ago, I was just a novice in this s*x field, i was a Sister trusting God for marriage, different guys have come, good looking, Christ like, well to do, (even those that are much more financially ok than my Ex in reality, don’t play, Yinkyjane o kere ninu aye o 💯 🙌🏻)
So, I didn’t know what s*x feels like, I have only heard about it, read about and sometimes feels tinini-tanana about it, but guess what? I became a professional at it, within a flip 🫰🏻

What do you expect🤷🏻‍♀️, I didn’t learn twerking for years to be a dummy 🙄 i specifically tagged “learning it for hubby” so many i learnt for Ile-Oko so that my husband will not look outside 😂😂😂😂 i wasn’t in the school of thought of “nothing keeps a man except a man that wants to be kept” at the time, so, i was always ready to learn about everything that will make me keep future husband.

Back to the gist;

I got disvirgined by my Narc ex in a way that’s against the law, but he shoved it off and talked me out of the guilts and my doubts, “Babe, I know we’ve sinned against God, and i know I have offended you by doing this after promising you that we wouldn’t do it until we are married, but since we are ending up together, there’s nothing to be worried about”.

So the mumu me that trust so easily, I gave in.

A whole me, Adeyinka, i have successfully modeled Sisters ministry for 9 years, there were Sisters that married as virgins under my tutelage, so that day that it happened, I was beyond broken, i was devastated, I couldn’t bring myself to the thought of that happening to me outside wedlock. I never could believe that it could be me.

Religion aside, what is my drive?
What was my motive of keeping myself till i get married?

My late biological mother who died 20 years ago, told me to promise her, that i will not allow any man to touch me till i get married. At the time, i was only a child, i didn’t really understand what she meant, but as grew older, i understood better!

So, while I ran away from home (from my strict MAMAGRAJANE’s house, rest on mummy🥹) to lagos without having any family member that i want to and live with there, after spending 3 nights at Karkashin Gada Bridge(na hausa people dominate that bridge, but as bold as I was, stayed there anyways, I was luckily employed one woman that sells “paraga and hot 🥵 “ in campus area, so she was able to house me until her customers wanted to start testing the work of her herbs on my body, hello, Yinkyjane loruko mi, sho wa okay sha😂 in short i slapped one customer and my oga pursued me, kaiii back to the street with my nylon bag🥹

That same day I was lucky to see where i could be
hawking, so i met with Kosofe bread at Obalende lagos at 15 years old, yeah. I was there for a long time, despite all these challenges, guys were coming, not just with words of mouth but with workings and doings and promises and all, but i didn’t give up.

Even in secondary school as a teenager, i gladly lived alone paying house rent, school fees, uniform, buying books for myself and all without sponsors.
Men were coming, they had plans, they’re doing well on there own, but i chose to fend for myself until i got a scholarship in Ibadan during late Abiola Ajimobi’s first tenure and first year (if my memories serves me right). So, it wasn’t a case of “oh she’s waiting for a man that will take her out of poverty”, hello, I was already on my way out. Gerrit? Yeah, you’re welcome 👍🏻

Back to the main gist,

Prior to that time, I had dreams of what life would look like when I finally got married, how I’d care for my husband, build a home, and enjoy love the way I had imagined it. While building my brand and focusing on my future, and being a role model to a lot of ladies showing them that “It is possible, If God can keep me and I keep myself till marriage, HE can do it for you too” chaiiii, what a dream😂😂😂😂

Before i knew it, booom, love showed up … or at least, that’s what I thought.

He came as everything I thought I wanted; caring, attentive, godly, respectful, giving me all the “lovey-dovey” attention,. I didn’t know it was love-bombing. I didn’t see the narcissism at first. I just saw what looked like love.

And then, I fell.
The first s*x was a mistake between us right?
And then came the second one, the second wasn’t so good, I still felt pains down there and there came the 3rd one, ohh 😮 The s*x was so good, Magical, even. The kind that flips you from the room to the sitting room. I can’t lie about that part.

But here’s the truth I discovered later: my first s*x with him wasn’t even from my heart. It was forced. R**e. And yet, after that act, something shifted in me. I got attached. I wanted more. My mind started craving for what my heart wasn’t ready for.

Even when I began to see the red flags in him, I didn’t pay attention.
Why? Because the s*x had clouded my judgments. I was focused on the pleasure, not the pain it was causing my spirit. I stayed longer than I should. I broke my own boundaries. I broke myself.

The aftermath?
When you have s*x with someone who isn’t good for you, it ties you down. Even when you see that they’re wrong for you, even when you know that you should leave, you struggle. Because the s*x keeps calling you back.

That was me.
I thought I was in control, but I was trapped.

Now, looking back, I’ve learned that s*x is never just s*x. It creates a bond that can blind you to reality. It makes you tolerate things you’d never accept if intimacy wasn’t involved.

This is my story. And I shared it because someone out there may be where I was, ignoring red flags, holding on, telling yourself “at least the s*x is good.” But the truth is, if it’s breaking your spirit, it’s not worth it.

S*x can be good.
But with the wrong person, it can also be the very thing that keeps you stucked in the wrong place.

I’ll be honest with you.
I’ve thought about s*x. I’ve been curious about it. I’ve felt the pull of it, just like everyone else. And yes, I know it’s sweet.

But here’s what life has taught me: s*x is never just s*x. It looks physical, but it goes deeper than the body, It touches the heart, the emotions, even your sense of self.

I’ve seen how it blinds people, (because it did to me too) making them stay with someone who’s not good for them, simply because they’ve already crossed that line. I’ve seen the confusion, the regrets, and the emptiness that follows once the heat fades.

That’s why I made up my mind: I don’t want to give pieces of myself to people who were never meant to keep me. I’d rather wait and give it in the right place, to the right person, in a safe commitment where it becomes joy, and not regret.

So no, this isn’t about religion. Whatever religion you practicing certainly doesn’t support immorality.
It’s about peace of mind. It’s about protecting my future. It’s about respecting myself enough to know that I’m worth the wait.

S*x is beautiful, but only when you don’t have to carry guilt or scars afterward. And that’s the version of s*x I want. That’s the version of s*x we all deserve. So, I choose to be Chaste!
And I think You should too 🥂

From a Sister that wants you to get it right without calling black colour as orange 😉

© 2025 Adeyinka Janet B. All writes Reserved.




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