DayBreak Enterprises

Hi Facebook Friends!

If you know me well, you know my mission is to raise our collective emotional intelligence and I sometimes post about it. Well, I have an EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT!

I created a FB group called, Connecting with Emotional Intelligence. I have had a meetup by the same name for about 12 years and am migrating it over to FB since the membership fees are doubling.

The group is a safe space for us to share thoughts, insights, and challenges in our every day lives and gain perspective. We will have meetings on Zoom or meet in person to discuss EI topics, in addition to posting.

You may receive an invite from me to join. No pressure! Just putting it out there in case you may be interested in talking about emotional intelligence. If I invite you, it's because you've shown interest in EI before by commenting on my EI posts. If I don't, it just means I don't want to make assumptions - so please feel free to find us and join if you like. And invite anyone you think would enjoy or benefit from such a community.

Hope to see you there!

Change your relationship with rejection, change your life. I heard Jamie Kern Lima, recognized by Forbes as one of 'America's Richest Self Made Women', say this recently. She heard no hundreds of times before finally getting a yes and eventually selling her make up company to L'Oreal for $1.2 billion. Her breakthrough moment was realizing she needed to change her relationship with rejection and failure. That's EQ in Action.

If you’re going to be a big dreamer, you better also be a big doer.

What company comes to mind when I say:
Innovative Computer Company?
Great Search Engine?
Customer Service Oriented Fast Food Company?

Did you by chance think of Apple, Google, and Chick-fil-A? No, I'm not a mind reader - just making a point about brand. These companies have worked hard to create an extremely strong brand.

What is YOUR leadership brand? When employees are asked to think of great leaders, do you come to mind? How hard have you wroked on your leadership brand? What 'results' are you focused on? Numbers? Deadlines? Or well being of the overall company?

You choose your brand when you choose your focus.

It's your choice. Make it count.

Last year I was working with a leader who was known for his competence. He knew his industry and competitors like nobody’s business. His leadership style was very commanding. He was aggressive and decisive and never let anyone wander from his agenda in meetings. His meetings ended on time every time.

I was also working with another leader who was seen as highly competent in his role, yet his leadership style was almost the opposite. He always listened to everyone, was super empathetic, included everyone in the discussion and insisted on consensus building to make decisions. His meetings ran long most of the time.

Both leaders were getting results in terms of completing initiatives, so why were they coaching? Because they were out of balance.

Great leaders know how to balance competence, control and connection. The first leader was all about control, while the second was all about connection. Can you guess how that translates to the effectiveness of their teams?

The controlling leader did not engage the hearts of his team. Yes, they complied with his requests, but nobody gave discretionary effort. Nor did they get stretch assignments. The leader’s legacy as an individual contributor was securely intact as he took credit for his team’s work. His team was seen as productive, but they left his department or the company at every opportunity. Recruitment and training costs took a big bite of his revenues.

The connecting leader gained a reputation for being unwilling to make tough decisions and lacking assertiveness. He was great at developing his team and giving them visibility and credit. Because he was so inclusive, it took him a long time to make decisions and get things done. His team was also productive and was recognized for their valuable contributions. Many were being promoted, but he was not.

I remember thinking, if I could blend these two leaders, they would be unstoppable.

Studies show strong, effective leaders need to not only be competent, but also balance control with connection. Are you in balance, or do you lean one way or the other? If you aren't getting all the results you want, it might be a good time to look in the mirror.

It’s your choice. Make it count.

My husband works with a woman who, while driving home from work, was hit head on by a careless driver who was texting and driving. She said she saw the top of his head right before he crossed the line and hit her. All of her airbags deployed. Amazingly, the most serious injury she suffered was a broken arm, wrist and hand. She is grateful for that. However, it’s highly likely that she won’t ever be able to type again...and that’s her livelihood.

The insurance company of the young man who hit her called to get some information from her. In her words, “They never once asked me how I was doing or expressed how sorry they were that I was hit. All they cared about was getting details of the accident like where exactly was your car hit.” She said it was such a transactional conversation, it left her feeling like she didn’t matter. And guess what? Now she plans to sue.

In contrast, a colleague of mine just had to put down her beloved twelve year old golden retriever. It happened quickly; he stopped showing interest in his food on Monday, became lethargic on Tuesday so they took him to the vet and got medications for him. He refused the medications, clenching his teeth like never before. That evening his eyes became glazed as he was less and less responsive so they rushed him back to the vet.

The veterinarian did some tests and confirmed he was in heart failure. When asked if it was time for their sweet dog to go, he said yes. He also commended them for acting quickly to prevent further discomfort. He told them to spend their time with him, and when they were ready, to come let him know. He left the room so they could say their goodbyes.

This dog was her best friend, her snuggle bear, her shadow. Making the decision to let him go and be out of pain was a difficult one, but she and her husband did it. She was so grateful to the vet. She said, "He was amazing and the compassion he showed us was incredible! It made such a heartbreaking time more bearable.” She had not seen this vet before, but has decided to take her other two dogs to him for all of their veterinary care.

What is the commonality of these two seemingly opposite stories? The power of compassion. Withhold it and you pay the price. Offer it and you receive the reward. The latter is EQ in action.

Are you being transactional with your team? Or are you offering compassion? A little can go a long way. It's your choice. Make it count.

At the core of emotional intelligence is how you manage your relationships, whether with yourself or with others. And relationships are like gardens...they need nurturing to thrive. How's your garden?

I recently met an inspiring woman who shared some really tragic things that had happened in her life. At 23, she miscarried her first child at five months. At 25 she was blessed with a second child who had three beautiful years on earth before succumbing to an illness.

At first, she was devastated and focused on her loss, understandably. Life for she and her husband took a downward spiral and they were on the brink of divorce. Then something clicked in her brain, and she decided to reframe her story and instead focus on how grateful she was to have had her daughter at all. Admittedly, gratitude had never been her strong suit, so it was a constant effort. She said she was determined to have her past be her fuel, not her anchor.

Fast forward five years and she and her husband are still very happily married, and she is using her experience to help others. She got her counseling degree and started a small business dedicated to parents struggling to have children. Wow, how powerful is that?

Reframing your story is part of being resilient. That’s EQ in Action.

Do you have a story that needs reframing to release you from the hold it has on you? If so, there's no time like the present.

It's your choice. Make it count.

In a recent interview, Matthew McConaughey shared his thoughts about doing more. It made me think about the leaders I've coached whose work/life balance suffered because they always felt they needed to do more.

What calculator are you using for yourself? For your team? With everything going on in the world and workplace today, maybe it's a good time to take stock.

It's your choice. Make it count.

You can make two words using all these letters. One word implies a lack of control while the other is synonymous with taking control. Which one did you make?

We all have the power to choose how to see things. It's up to us to choose.

It's your choice. Make it count.