Eternal Skinshine

I DIDN’T GET IT.
 
Someone once told me motherhood was “the best.”
I asked her, Which part?
She smiled without hesitation: “All of it.”
O-kay.
 
I didn’t understand what she meant… not until now.
 
It wasn’t until four years ago that I even decided I wanted to be a mother. I thought a lot about my own mom—the lifetime of memories we’ve created and the ones still waiting for us. I wondered what it would feel like to stand on the other side of that bond… to give what I had received.
 
Most of my life, I was a performer in LA—thriving, full of fire, living boldly on stages, sets, and in the spotlight. My life was vibrant and full, and I was fulfilled in countless ways, ways that perhaps only an artist would understand.  But by the time I made my decision to step into motherhood, I was already in my 40s.
 
No regrets—just the honest fears that came with making that choice later than most.
Would my body allow it?
Was it too late?
Did I wait too long?
 
This Thanksgiving, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude that we conceived a healthy baby in my mid 40s. What a miracle. What a gift. What a quiet, steady reassurance from the universe that I was right on time.
 
Motherhood is its own inexplicable collage—
the greatest love braided with the most absurd fears,
staying present while planning every step ahead,
surrendering to her wants while gently steering her toward what’s good,
learning to understand a stranger who has just become my number one priority.
 
It is everything all at once.
It is a total expansion.
It is a lesson in trust, patience, humility, and devotion.
And I am grateful—deeply, soulfully grateful—to feel my heart stretch beyond any boundary I ever knew… to discover a love that is limitless.
 
In exchange for long days and sleepless nights, I get to kiss her soft cheeks and cradle her tiny warm body against mine.
 
It’s the best. ALL of it.
 
Happy Thanksgiving, from my overflowing heart to yours. 🧡

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“Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.” – Hamilton Wright Mabie

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