LOL Forever

My brain has an alarm clock that reminds me to exercise and fast during the weekends but it ran out of battery every Friday so I ended up eating more than I consumed during the weekdays to recharge.

A man is worried about his weight, he gets fatter and fatter every day but he can not control his appetite. He had try every workout and exercises but nothing happened, he thought that the way to resolve his problem is to flush the food out of his body right after eating so he sits on the toilet while eating.

A husband told his wife that he would cut his wrist if she divorce him. The wife yelled:
“ I really doubt you can do that! You didn’t even have a courage to get circumcised! Go get circumcised first!

I think that autocorrect is made to sabotage me. It always changes my words.
My friend sent me a screenshot of the message she received from me:

Make sure your va**nas are clean, they have to be ready for the guests tomorrow evening. Make sure to use a good detergent, better yet sterilized your va**nas to make sure they are free of germs.
But all I wanted to tell her is to get the chinaware ready for the guests!

Help! I know these words are not the same but I can only pronounce them the same way.😭😭😭
Push, post, pause.

I am hoping that someone can help me to pronounce these words properly, I can not stand anymore misunderstanding and confusion.
Here are the words: Peace, face, phase, fist, piece, paste, pest, fish, pace, pi**ed, f***s, p**s, pees, pays, fees, pish. To me all of these words pronounce the same. 😭😭😭

Having a deep accent can cause harm. I just told the person I was arguing against to give me peace but instead he punched me on the face! And he said: “Are you happy now sarcastic man? You got the fist that you were asking for! Just tell me if you want some more!”

I was so mad of my friend who is a commercial director for offering me a deal, she told me that if I mentioned the word vi**ra she would hook me up with all the young sexy female talents that she managed, she told me the number of times I can sleep with the hot girls would depends on the number of times I mentioned the word vi**ra on my page. She added that if I don’t have the courage to post it on my page I could just say the word Vi**ra and she would record it.

I angrily yelled at her: What the hell do you think of my moral to say the world vi**ra, Vi**ra, Vi**ra, Vi**ra, Vi**ra…. Vi**ra Vi**ra Vi**ra, Vi**ra, there is no way you can do to make me say the word Vi**ra, I won’t trade my moral for Vi**ra, I don’t even know how Vi**ra looks like and I don’t need Vi**ra. I don’t care how many people out there who use Vi**ra, I am not one of those who use Vi**ra, I would never use Vi**ra, I don’t need Vi**ra, Vi**ra is not for me. Maybe some people need Vi**ra but not me. Understand? I don’t need Vi**ra! Vi**ra is for weak men! My libido is still strong so I don’t need Vi**ra.

I hate autocorrect, it always butchered my messages just like now. It sent a malicious message to my friend:
Friend: What do you need me to do on your birthday?
Me: just wash my va**na.
Friend: WTF!
Me: I meant wash china.
Friend: WTF! he’ll…
Me: Wash your va**na…
Friend: You’re crazy! bye!
Me: Wait, I meant va**naware!
Friend: Goobye forever!
Me: No! I meant Chinaware! Stupid autocorrect!

I hate autocorrect, it always butchered my messages just like now. It’s sent a malicious message to my friend:
Friend: What do you need me to do on your birthday?
Me: just wash my va**na.
Friend: WTF!
Me: I meant wash china.
Friend: WTF! he’ll…
Me: Wash your va**na…
Friend: You’re crazy! bye!
Me: Wait, I meant va**naware!
Friend: Goobye forever!
Me: No! I meant Chinaware! Stupid autocorrect!

Hello nitizens, welcome to my page where you can laugh and fart without any judgement. 🤣🤣🤣

I became the richest person alive after someone told me to get some invisible friends because no one wanted to make friends with a broke guy like me. Since then I’d been living in wealth.