Love the Skin You're In w/ E. Bedell

One thing I have noticed on THIS fitness journey is my poor self-image.

I think I have said this before, but it bears repeating:

"Don't ever let anyone tell you the mirror doesn't lie. It does to ME every day.

I look in the mirror, and I just cannot see where my body has changed at all. Sounds kind of crazy, doesn't it? I mean...I have lost a good amount of weight, my measurements are smaller, and my clothes fit differently, but I just can't see it.

I have tried looking at pictures side-by side even. Nope. I don't see any differences. People around me tell me all the time that THEY can see the change, but not me. That girl in the mirror looks the same today as she did yesterday, and last week, and last month, and last year....She just doesn't change.

The girl in the clothing? SHE feels different.

My shirts, pants, shoes, and all other clothing is loose. I have to wear shirts UNDER my shirts because they fall down in front. Pants that were skin tight are loose in all the areas that matter (my butt and my thighs), and my shoes try to come off during workouts.

These are sone serious changes. Shouldn't I be able to see them in the mirror?

Then again....

This is the same girl I saw in the mirror as a teenager. I wore a size five back then, and I saw the same thing in the mirror that I see today.

Don't use the mirror alone to show you what changes have been made.

The mirror lies.

I have been feeling something lately that I haven't felt in a very long time - true confidence. That confidence has made a huge difference in my life.

There is a confidence that comes with being skinny enough, pretty enough, or any of those other things the world wants you to be. I have felt confident in all those things in the past.

What happens wjen those things fade? Do others still look at you the same? Does your value seem to change? Does the confidence in those things fade as well?

I quit believing in myself. I didn't think I could do it. I was neber going to be pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, rich enough, or any of those things society values.

I was told by those who were supposed to encourage me that I would never succeed. I would be lucky to even finish high school. Tjere was no way I would graduate college. When I did? It still didn't feel good enough.

My motto used to be ,"tell me what I can't do, and I will prove you wrong." That sounds like confidence, right? That was merely survival.

Confidence. True confidence. Working out five days a week because I enjoy it. Watching my blood pressure, blood sugar, and other such numbers go down. Not grabbing a shopping cart any time I walk into a store just so I can use it to support my weight. Walking ans sitting straighter and taller than I ever have before.

Confidence.

Believing, really believing I can do things I have never done before. I CAN become healthier. I CAN save enough to retire on. I CAN go to that foreign country. I CAN start looking forward to things I might enjoy. I CAN look back at all the amazing things I did that I was told I could never do, and see them as successes in my life.

I CAN!!!!

And you can too.

Find that thing that gives you true confidence and run with it.

I no longer watch others doing activities and think, "That could never be me. I will never be able to do that."

The script has changed. "That will be me someday if I keep putting the work in."

I CAN! I WILL!

Do you know that you can today?

Computer crashed this morning?

Jab! Cross! Uppercut!

A paper to be signed (by the supervisor) before the new tenant could sign her lease first thing in the morning?

Uppercut! Uppercut! Hook! Hook!

Have to make changes to the lease after spending two hours getting it signed?

Hook! Hook! Roundhouse!

I'm about to give all that negative energy a smooth knockout punch!

I HIT MY FIRST WEIGHT GOAL!!!! I AM OFFICIALLY UNDER 300 POUNDS!!!

I remember crying the day I realized I weighed over 200 pounds (50 pounds over the weight I was healthiest and most comfortable at).

Today, I am shedding tears of joy because I am finally under 300 pounds.

I know there is still a long way to go. (My next goal is 275), but I am elated!

I refuse to ever weigh so much again that 300 becomes a goal. It has taken a lot to get me here, and weight loss was not the original goal. I have been killing those goals too. My last blood pressure reading was 117/73, and the doctor keeps having to REDUCE my diabetes medications instead of increasing them each month.

I don't know exactly why I am sharing this except to say, " I finally believe in myself and my ability to do things I once thought were impossible." I finally quit listening to the voices (family members) that told me to just give up because "fat" was just part of my genetic makeup.

A kind of funny side note (and I guess a sort of non scale victory) I found my butt. It is no longer that thing that kind of meets with my legs as one big piece of skin. It has its own shape, and you can actually see where my legs end and my butt begins.

That has been a long time coming.

I may not really see the difference when I look in the mirror, but I am beginning to feel the difference.

GOOOOOO....FITNESS JOURNEY AND LIFESTYLE CHANGES!!!!

I think I have posted before about my health goals in my fitness journey. A lot of people think it should be about the weight, but the weight for me is just an added benefit; so I never really set any goals there.

All of my goals centered around improved health: lower blood pressure, lower blood sugar, and things like that. The primary goal is to decrease the amount of medication necessary to keep me alive. The ultimate goal is to completely eliminate those medications.

So what about weight goals? The ultimate goal is 150 pounds (for now). That is apt to change once I get there. However, that goal is so large, I can easily become discouraged when I don't get there fast enough. That means my goals need to be smaller. I have used the same concept with my blood sugar goals.

Here is where I become completely transparent and vulnerable. My current weight is 300 pounds. That being said, my next weight goal os 275 pounds.

How will I reach that and when? I will meet that goal one pound (maybe two) at a time and be okay with that kind of progress. Two pounds a week means eight pounds a month. That means I should reach my first goal in about three months.

It also means I should reach my ultimate goal in about a year and a half.

Some months will be better, and some will be worse. On those worse weeks (poor health sometimes gets in the way), I just have to remember the better weeks.

I'm excited to see where this journey can (and will) take me!

What do I like about riding g the bike? It is like low-impact running.

I have had a degenerative condition in my knees since I was a teenager (wearing down of the knee caps), and riding a bike was part of my physical therapy.

I am careful when I do lunges and squats for this sane reason. I can hear my knees clicking, popping, and cracking if I try to bemd my knees too far.

One exercise I can always do is ride that bike. I get some good cardio in, and if I want to build a little muscle, I just set the tension a little higher.

My current best is 8mph. That isn't super sonic, but it is good enough for me.

Do you have a favorite machine you like to use or a favorite class you like to attend? What do you like about it?

No matter how you feel about yourself, there may be someone out there who wishes they had what you have.

One of my tenants this morning told me she would give anything to have my body. (My body? Are you sure? Do you know how much effort I am putting in to change my body?) That was my first thought. My next thoughts came out of my mouth. "Thank you so much. I have put in a lot of effort."

My body. This body filled with so many flaws. This body that has carried me through a lot of hard times. This body that kept going when it should have given up.

It's about time I start showing some love for MY body. It may not be perfect, but it is perfect for me.

The problem with the body at rest is that no matter how much it is itching to move, it is accustomed to being at rest.

It has been a week, and I am happier than ever to be back in the gym. It feels like home.

I had to take a week off in order to deal with a perpetual infection AND to manage the side effects from a new medication.

I will start out light today - just a couple hours on the bike. I would normally spend some time in the pool today, but I am choosing to work within my limits. I start hitting it hard again tomorrow.

I did my basic measurements today, but I had to measure two and three times. I can't believe they are so different after only a month.

There has to be an easier way to do this. I have heard of sone apps that will do the measurements for you, but I can't remember the names. Do you have any measurement apps that you like to use? Would you mind dropping the names here?

I will share my measurements, weight, and Body Compoaition results in the group (not on the page) before I leave the gym today.

I'm a little nervous about the weight/Body Composition results after taking off an entire week, but I am going to share them anyway. I may even post the first picture. If I do that, I will post the picture to both the page and the group.

Here's hoping you have a happy and healthy week.

I'm working to find those perfect circadian rhythm hours now.

Why is that important?

Did you know that going to sleep earlier does no always make it easier to wake up earlier?

Each body has a perfect time for sleeping and waking. Your body and mind heal best when you are getting the right amount of sleep.

When I go to bed at 11:00 p.m., I find it difficult to wake up in the morning; but of I go to sleep at 12:00 a.m., I wake up before the alarm even goes off.

This is what it is really all about for me. I want to know my body, and do what I can to support my body in being amazing. It is such an amazing instrument, and I want to treat it as such.

The fun part is losing weight in places you can't really see and never measure. You can only tell there is a difference because of the fit of your clothes.

My shoes are getting too big. I will have to break down and buy another pair soon.

The sleeves on my shirts are not as tight as they were (thank goodness). I can actually fit feel the bottom of the sleeve moving around on my arm. The material is folding over on itself (the best way I can describe it). The material used to stretch taut over my arms, and there was no loose fabric.

Luckily, I bought my pants a little small, but they aren't so small anymore. My pants fit just right. They don't look like they were painted on, and they aren't falling off my hips.

Little bitty changes that mean the world to me; they mean progress.